Swing Low

I am a swing voter who does not vote. And I simply can't afford to get mixed up in politics if I want to proceed with my music unimpeded. So put that telescopic rifle back in its attache case. I know it's an election year.
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© 2012. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

A Night to Dismember

Women who fantasized about me when I was hated, I can't wait to go out with you. You can take me to a fancy restaurant and pay to watch me eat like a pig, with no shirt, in my bare feet. Then I can put you in the trunk of the car for a nice drive-in movie, and you better not make any noise back there. We can top the night off with a nice long drive to the remote woods for a little blindfolded group sex with myself and several of my favourite corpses.
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Small Mercies

I can be glad about what happened when I think of how I can share a good original song now without getting into trouble.
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Growing Up Is Hard to Do

I decided to take some criticism about how I live my life last night and become more mature. So instead of writing a new song, I studied law. Yes, law. Now there's a respectable, grown-up occupation. And one of the first words I learned about in law is a very adult word. Very serious. It is the word libel. Would you like to know what it means? Here is its definition, according to the online dictionary. li·bel noun 1. Law . a. defamation by written or printed words, pictures, or in any form other than by spoken words or gestures. b. the act or crime of publishing it. c. a formal written declaration or statement, as one containing the allegations of a plaintiff or the grounds of a charge. 2. anything that is defamatory or that maliciously or damagingly misrepresents. Cool word, eh? I like that last one. Nice and broad. Plus it rhymes with liable, but that's my irrational, creative nature getting in the way. This is serious. This is law. And here's a good one from the dictionary on my mac. I get a kick out of its origin. defame: verb [trans.] damage the good reputation of someone: He claimed that the article defamed his family. See note at malign. Derivatives def-a-ma-tion (noun) de-fam-a-to-ry (adjective) de-fam-er (noun) Origin: Middle English: from Old French diffamer, from Latin diffamare 'spread evil report' And it rhymes with nightmare. And if the Romans had defamers, I bet they punished them Roman style - if you know what I mean. But there goes my playful, childish imagination again. Sorry. I'm glad I've become more mature. Why would an artist try to make little girls happy with his music if he can study law instead? Ask people who want me to be more mature.
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Bedspreads and Broomsticks

I believe that women are my equals who deserve my respect. Any women I get involved with will have my full attention and receive my help with all the household chores. I only think there is one place where a woman should submit to a man: the bedroom. I know that being submissive in this way gives them sexual pleasure at least half of the time. Of course, the whole house will be a bedroom.
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Killarney was Here

Is it Saint Patrick's Day today? Didn't even think of it. I'm Irish on my mom's side, so I don't have to celebrate saint Patrick's Day. That's just for all you Irish wannabes. If you're a real Irish boy like my mother's son and you grew up in Ontario, chances are you went to that special Separate School System for Irish Catholic children where you received a proper education about how the sun goes around the Earth and how you will go to Hell for looking at a Protestant girl in her knickers. Yes, thirty-six years ago on this day, I got up on a stage and belted out an unforgettable rendition of Hello Patsy Fagan before an exuberant crowd of parents, with the kind of pitch and vibrato that would have made Celine Dion jealous. I'm surprised they didn't chop my balls off to keep my voice sounding that good.
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Lizard King

I can see why some people compare me to a machine with my songwriting because I'm such a cold hearted bastard. It takes a real reptile to go around drawing pictures and singing songs, let me tell you. I'm just going to have to work on myself, I guess.
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Cheese and Rice

Jesus is so nice. He said it's okay to use his name when you're swearing. So it's okay to say Jesus Christ! But he said you better not take the Holy Spirit's name in vain. Does that include 'Holy Jumpins!'? Jumpins isn't a swear word.
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